An Oldie But Goodie

The scene:  My sister's wedding.  I should mention that although she was not exactly a regular churchgoer, she worked as a bishop's secretary, and the bishop was, of course, in attendance.  Primo was about four.

Sorella:  "Bishop, I'd like you to meet my sister and her son, Primo."

Me:  "Pleased to meet you!"

The Bishop:  "Pleased to meet you as well.  And how are you doing today, son?"

Primo, pointing at Sorella:  "YOU have a BABY in your TUMMY!"

My sister was not pregnant.  But she had to go to church in tight clothes every Sunday for the next few months, just to make sure everybody was clear on that point.

In which my preschooler channels my college professors

I don't even remember the question, but this was the answer:

Me: "I don't know, honey."

Terzo: "Well, THINK!"

West Coast Blinders

"NOBODY is born in MAINE!!!!"

Self-awareness

"MA-ma, my FEET are SHORT!!!"

The Soft Bigotry of Low Expectations

Me:  "A D in middle-school science, Primo?  That is Not Acceptable."

Primo:  "I don't think it's so bad."

Me:  "What do you think you're going to do with those kinds of grades?  Not college, that's for sure."

Primo:  "I'm going to go to college!"

Me:  "Where?"

Primo:  "UCLA!"

Me:  "You are aware that the average GPA of an admitted freshman at UCLA is a 3.86, right?  That's practically straight As."

Primo:  "So, uh, maybe I can go to a college where you can get Ds."

Aargh.

And So It Begins: Part Five

[The background:  Quinta WILL NOT sleep in her bassinet.  I have not had a decent night's sleep since November.]

Me:  "Husband, could you please get that baby bathtub filled?  She's going to get cold, waiting here wrapped in only a towel."

Husband:  "Yes, already!  I thought you wanted me to move the bassinet to our room so that we can make her sleep in it tonight!"

Quinta:  [Suddenly shoots out a river of pee onto my shirt, my nice skirt, my boots, and the floor.]

I guess she understands more than she lets on.  She's pretty smart for a 2-month-old.

The Girl Who Cried Wolf

The scene:  I am sitting in the living room, feeding Quinta.  Quarta, realizing she is not the center of attention, toddles over to the coffee table and touches her head -- EVER SO SLIGHTLY -- to the top of the table.

Quarta, running over to me:  "OHHHH!  BOBO TETE!!!!"  [Translation:  "Oh, I hurt my HEAD!"]

Me:  "POOR little BABY.  Do you want a PAT?"

Quarta:  "YAH!"

Me:  "Here you go."  (And I pat her on the head.)

Thirty seconds later.  Quarta, realizing she is not the center of attention, toddles over to the coffee table and touches her head -- EVER SO SLIGHTLY -- to the top of the table.

Quarta, running over to me:  "OHHHH!  BOBO TETE!!!!" 

Me:  "POOR little BABY.  Do you want a PAT?"

Quarta:  "YAH!"

Me:  "Here you go."  (And I pat her on the head.)

Rinse and repeat.  

I... I Don't Know, Actually

Secondo:  "MOM!"

Me:  "Yeah!"

Secondo:  "How do you pass a BUTT INSPECTION?"