Grandparents' revenge

The scene: In the car, where else? Secondo has been complaining about how mean mommy is making him wear rainboots, because it is pouring rain outside.

Me: "You know, when *I* was three years old, my mommy MADE me wear boots, too."

Secondo: "You were THREE?"

Me: "Yes!"

Secondo: "Just like ME?"

Me: "Well, actually, I WAS just like you. Which is why mommy's mommy and daddy think YOU are so funny."

Sometimes I am speechless

"Mom! I have an itch!"

"Where's your itch, honey?"

"In my BOOTY!"

Is there a doctor in the house?

Terzo: "I don't FEEL good!"

Secondo: "Terzo! Are you going to throw OUT?"

Time to turn off the TV

Secondo: "You look like a WONDER PET!"

Me: "Um, you really shouldn't be saying that to a lady."

Picasso Mama

Terzo: "My! Eyes! Are! BLUE, Mama!"

Me: "Yes, you have BEAUTIFUL blue eyes, Terzo!"

Terzo: "What! Color! Are! YOUR Eyes, Mama?"

Secondo: "Brown!"

Terzo: "They not BROWN! They NASAL!"

The Spirit of Generosity

Secondo: "Ma-ma, I want that CAKE on your lap!"

Me: "Sorry, honey, I'm taking it to work for Ali."

Secondo: "Who's Ali?"

Me: "She's Mama's friend who is having a baby, and we're having a party for her today."

Secondo: "She's having a baby?"

Me: "Yes!"

Secondo: "I think she should SHARE!"

Well, excuuuuuuse me!

"I not a DUDE! I SECONDO! You got it all WONG, Da-DA!"

This is Why "Take Your Children to Work" Day Is Held on the 1st of Octember

Secondo: "I want to take my BIG STINKY to Mama's OFFICE!"

Who's on First? A Naptime Story

The scene: Naptime. There is one toddler in each crib.

Secondo: "Where's our BIG brother Primo?"

Terzo: "He at CAMP!"

Secondo: "No, camp is CLOSED! He at SCHOOL!"

Terzo: "Camp!"

Secondo: "School!"

Terzo: "Camp!"

Secondo: "School!"

Me: "GO TO SLEEP!!!!"

Anton Ego, part deux

Secondo: "MA-ma, cilantro make little boys CRY! And little girls, too!"

WHY do you want to know?

Secondo: "MA-ma, what do you do in PRISON?"

Nobody knows our shame

Scene: The car, which had just turned into the McDonald's drive-thru lane.

Secondo: "DA-da! TANK you for TURNING! Dis is da PURRFECT PLACE!"

He was born a ramblin' toddler

Terzo, who was born in California: "I don't want live in OREGON! I born in TENNessee!!!"