Saturday, July 13, 2013

We're Emigrating!

Thanks to a freaky Internet doppelganger to whom I will not link here, along with a desire to write about life in France beyond the funny things the kids say, I am packing up and moving to a new URL.  Please join me at The Ex-Americans, where you can find updates on our adventures as immigrants to France and you can laugh at the many, many stupid things I say to the French in my ongoing quest to learn the language and find a place in life over here.  Thanks for reading, and I look forward to seeing you on the other side!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

What Am I Looking At? What Are YOU Looking At?

Terzo:  "Mom!"

Me:  "Yes?"

Terzo, snarling:  "WHAT!!!!!"

I didn't realize that he had become a teenager at the ripe old age of six.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Unclear on the Concept: A BERFDAY!!!!!! Scene From the Driveway

Today is Quarta's third birthday.  Her hurricane of a personality has taken over the house so completely that it's hard to believe there ever was a time when she wasn't here.  Because this is a "big" birthday... okay, because it's kind of embarrassing that she has continued to sleep in a crib, her birthday present was an overpriced big-girl bed from Flexa.  And because the nearest Flexa is about an hour away, the bed had to be procured the day before her actual birthday, that is, yesterday, while she was at NouNou's.  And because of the travel time involved, and the fact that she only spends 3 hours chez NouNou, she ended up coming home in the van with the boxes full of bed right next to her.

Which led to this conversation as she was getting out of the van:

Me:  "Quarta, do you know what day it is tomorrow?"


Me:  "Well, your birthday is actually tomorrow.  Aren't you excited?"

Quarta, pointing at the boxes:  "NO, Mama!  My berfday is RIGHT HERE!"

I guess she doesn't get the distinction between the birthday and the birthday gift.  We'll be working on that later.

Postscript:  In order to avoid having pieces of bed strewn all over the house, the bed was ultimately assembled that day, the day before her birthday.  The second I had the bed made, at about 4:00 p.m., she insisted that it was her bedtime and she needed to go to sleep right away.  Which kind of made me feel as though it was my birthday.

Monday, June 10, 2013

The Difference Between France and the United States: A Scene From the Kitchen

In the U.S., if the cupboard ever became bare and I didn't have enough time both to shop and to fix dinner, what did we do?  Went to McDonald's.

Night before last, the cupboard became bare and I didn't have enough time both to shop and fix dinner. Except for here, "bare" meant I had a duck breast left over from earlier in the week, along with heavy cream, a bottle of red wine, and everything else I needed to make Magret d'Artignan on pasta for the kids' dinner.

McDonald's really isn't as good here anyway.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Well, Hello There: The Beginning of the End

It took a loooong time to bleach out my roots today.  Four hours to be exact -- which would be one hour more than I had said I'd be gone.  By the time I had returned, Quarta and Quinta were in bed for their afternoon nap, although as usual Quarta was protesting furiously.

Still, it looked to be a nice easy afternoon spent alone with the kids while their dad went to the nearest Apple store, about 90 minutes away, to pick up (from their repair people) the overpriced computer that doesn't earn him a steady living.  So, with the boys tucked away for a little bit of Wii time, I decided to sit down at the kitchen table and have some lunch.  The kitchen table -- remember this, now -- is located directly underneath the staircase.  It was a nice lunch.  Until ....

[Thump thump thump thump thump.]

Me, to myself:  "Did Terzo somehow slip past me to go upstairs for a book while I was focused on the microwave?  Funny, I think I can still hear him in the living room with the Wii."

Me, to the little person who has just materialized at the bottom of the stairs:  "QUARTA!  What are you doing down here?  I, uh, thought you were in your crib.  The one you're not able to get out of?  And by the way, why are you wearing a swimsuit?"

Quarta:  "I NO NEEDA DA BED, MOM!"


Thursday, June 6, 2013

A Sentence I Never Thought Would Come Out of My Mouth

"Sorry to be so late -- I got stuck behind a hay truck on the way home from the spa."

Le sigh.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Parenting Tips For Slow Learners

No matter how dark the room is, it is never a good idea to check the need for a diaper change by sticking your finger down the back of said diaper.  Yuck.  I'mma going to go sandblast my hand now.  And be embarrassed that it took five kids to come to this realization.