This Is What Happens When I Get a Day Off: A Scene From the Dinner Table (Or So I Was Told)

Quarta:  "Where's Mama?"

X:  "In Paris."

Quarta:  "Where's Mama's aunt?"

X:  "In Paris."

Quarta:  "Is it for ME????"

In other news, I finally have a French drivers' license.  Dem French can't keep me down on the farm anymore.  Onward and upward, to the job search!

This Is What Happens When I Turn My Back For a MOMENT

Every grandma in the store LOLed, though.

GLOSSYBOX!!!!

Beauty subscription fever is sweeping the land, and taking me right along with it.  Today I received my very first Glossybox.  Receiving a bunch of beauty/makeup products at home is so much more fun than waiting for our next trip to Bordeaux and then trying to sneak into Sephora during the 5 minutes that nobody's crying.  Which, come to think of it, might be damning my Glossybox with faint praise.  The real allure, as a lady whose husband never really learned that wives like good surprises, is the experience of getting a little box full of presents.  Even if I paid 10 euros out of my own allowance to make it happen.

And now without further ado:  the pictures:

Ooh!  The suspense is killing me!

Still excited!  It's so pretty, I'm channeling my grandmother in my
reluctance to rip the tissue paper.

Score!  Is that lotion in the middle full size?

Yes, it is.  Organic, too.  It would have been nice to have this over the summer,
when I spent a little bit too much time in the sun.

Apres-shampooing?  What the hell is that, I made a fool of myself asking the
MakeupTalk forum.  According to our babysitter, that would be hair conditioner.
Now I feel kind of dumb for having asked The Internet how to use it.

The full-sized lipstick is also a score, mostly because it's in a non-Vegas Showgirl
shade and, therefore, more appropriate for things like events at the kids' school than my
usual palette.  I am also appreciating the eye cream, because Those Damn Kids aren't
making me look any younger.

Coming soon:  Joliebox, Nailybox (!!!), and My Little Box.  We're going to forget the crack my high school BFF made when she heard the names of all of my subscriptions, something about a double entendre involving the word "box."  And I might or might not have replied that Honey Boo Boo's mom would refer to them as Glossybiscuit, Joliebiscuit, Nailybiscuit and, my personal favorite, My Little Biscuit.

In Which Quarta Channels Ike Reilly AND Shooter Jennings

I love NouNou.  If I could afford it, she would be at my house all day, every day.  Not to put too fine a point on it, she is the wife I have been looking for all the years that I've been working too many hours.

However.  NouNou does a few things differently than I would.  Like putting half-eaten containers of baby applesauce back into the refrigerator half-closed, but looking as though they are completely closed.

Me, after knocking said applesauce all over everything in the refrigerator:  "SHIT!!!!"

Quarta, merrily:  "Shit!  Shit! Shit! Shit!"

X to me:  "I told you this was going to happen if you didn't clean up your language."

Quarta:  "No shit!"

And You Learned This Where?

Me:  "Quarta, time for bed!"

Quarta:  "NO!!! PAS DE TOUT!!!!"  [Roughly:  "No way!"]

It's not the language that gobsmacked me quite as much as the fact that it was accompanied by a neck roll.

Where the hell did she learn that?

She can't stay two years old forever... right?

Terzo the Truthteller: A Scene From the World's Longest Summer Vacation

I thought the boys were outside playing nicely.  As usual, I thought wrong:


Primo, sobbing:  "MOM!  Terzo said he HATED ME and that he's ALWAYS HATED ME!  That hurts my feelings!!!!"

Me:  "So, tell me what you did to him first."

Primo:  "Nothing!"

Me:  "So, tell me what you did to him first."

A gleeful Secondo, who has just popped in the door to see what was going on:  "Primo hit Terzo in the head with a Frisbee!"

Me:  "Is that true?"

Primo:  "I didn't hit him that hard!"

X, who is now interested and looking outside for Terzo:  "No, I can see a big red mark on the side of his head."

Me:  "TERZO!  COME IN HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Terzo, now inside and sobbing:  "HE HIT ME!"

Me:  "Did you tell Primo that you hated him?"

Terzo, in the World's Smallest Voice:  "Yes."

Me:  "Now, do you really hate him, or were you just angry?"

Terzo, in an even smaller voice:  "I was just angry."

I give you:  DAY 5 OF SUMMER VACATION.  God help us.

Realistic Expectations

Later this week, Secondo and Terzo's school will be going on a field trip.  The day will include some kind of nature walk, and then the kids will go fishing.

Secondo:  "MOM!"

Me:  "WHAT!"

Secondo:  "On our nature trip, we are going FISHING!  I'm so excited!"

Me:  "That's great!"

Secondo:  "Fishing is the only thing I've EVER wanted to do."

As a lady whose own dreams have all crashed and burned, it's kind of good to hear that he longs for something that is actually attainable.  But once that fishing trip comes and goes, how will he go on?